I don't want to go to sleep at night. I'm not sure why. It probably has a lot to do with being separated from my husband. I'm not afraid of the dark, I'm not worried about bad dreams; I just want to stay awake and knit. Or spin. Or read. Or watch tv. I can usually do it, too, since I don't have a day job. No reason to wake up early means I have very little reason to go to bed early.

The worst part of it is that I want to audition for young artist programs. As a cellist, it didn't matter how late I'd gone to bed before, how much I'd had to drink, if I was sick, if I had a headache, etc. That's certainly not true as a singer. Every little thing affects my voice. If I want to sound good, I need to take care of myself. And I haven't been.

I think I'm self-destructing. I'm afraid of getting what I want, so I sabotage myself.


This ends now. I'm going to clean off my bed, turn off the computer and go to sleep. And tomorrow, I'm going to be productive.